Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
where am i from again
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
