It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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