Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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