you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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