im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
