you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
