She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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