the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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