Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
