did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
