It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
