We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
