the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
