I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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