Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
