i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
