You really coming over, don't trick.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.