She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.