but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.