My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
