Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.

Fav 30 4509 1324
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

Fav 14 1437 2668
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.

Fav 21 5188 1539
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song

Fav 25 10185 1300
share tweet
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(210): View more from Texas

I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

(1-210): View more from Texas

I love milkshakes.

(210): View more from Texas

Not the point.

Fav 19 5629 1774
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.

Fav 8 3056 1169
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate

Fav 3 5081 1282
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(219): View more from Indiana

he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off

Fav 10 1483 670
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires

Fav 1 56 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT