I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.