May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.