you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You ate ashes out of my bong
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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