i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
