I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
