Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
