did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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