Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
