From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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