btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
