If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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