i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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