Too much gin, very little bucket
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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