you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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