dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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