I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
