He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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