toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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