either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
