dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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