True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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