I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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