i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
