Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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