I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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