Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
