Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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