Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
