i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
