Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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