Please, let me fuck your mom
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
