My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
