Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
