I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
