You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
