Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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