Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
