I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
