just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
