Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
