I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
