Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
